Are we grateful enough?

I've just learnt that a friend of mine had a miscarriage. my heart somehow inexplicably shattered, for some reasons i'm not sure about.. perhaps a part of me is missing the excitement of conceiving and expecting a baby. my friend, she was so devastated and frustrated for the loss as she was really looking forward for her 2nd pregnancy. i on the other hand, have had a vague memory of that kind of excitement for the last time i've felt it, was when i got pregnant with Afeef. Aleena happened unexpectedly, I wasn't ready for her i guess, but she's truly a bless from Allah SWT. Fatini happened at the right time considering afeef's age at the time, he was almost 3. i was so ready for a baby back then, but i was still studying and have had a hard time coping with a final year project's hectic works and irritating supervisor who loves to nag...*sigh*
so, i was led to believe that conceiving Fatini was a mistake... even though i've repented for having such thoughts and feelings in me, still i feel like i'm guilty to her.. perhaps this is one of the reasons why she often gives me a hard time..