SoMebOdY JuST TuRnED 4 !!! Alhamdulillah...

There were times, out of the blue, all the memories came flooding back... 

Some were too overwhelming that I found myself in tears... 

Adoi..

Still without fail, I'm able to hide all these feelings from my kids.. 

Because, they seemed like they have really moved on, and enjoy this new life we have...

But me... I still long for that life I once had..... Yeah yeah... I'm tired of all these....

Nevertheless, I have my piano back, that of course made some difference... 

You can check out my latest cover at You Tube, if anyone's interested at all.. hehe

Anyway, last friday, 28th of Mac, was Aleena's 4th birthday. Her first ever birthday in Malaysia :)

Not just that, it's been exactly 3 months since the day we left Deutschland for good. And I recalled, that Aleena's birthday had always been my favorite time because... it marked the beginning of Spring! 

So, this year's birthday, no more Spring, only the extra heat hehe..

She has had 3 birthdays before, her first in 2011:

She's one year old (",)

Tengok gambar ni pun bergenang air mata isk isk..

Emotional tahap gaban haha.

Her second Birthday in 2012:

Celebrated with Mike, Lily, Victor and Florian...

Haaaiiiiiihhhhh... 

Memorable moment (",)

And her third Birthday, 2013, one of the most meaningful, celebrated in my sister's home in UK, and my mom was there too..

It was a late night surprise by my sister and her husband, so sweet of them (",)

Huhuhuhuhu.... all these memories...

They only make me wanna cry!!!

Ok, ok, before I got all emotional, lets proceed with the Birthday girl..

What's best to describe her?

mmmmmmmmmm....

Let's see....

Many says,  she's beautiful, with her long lashes and all, she'd drawn lots of attentions from people around her, including the Germans.

Haaaa... tak percaya ke?

You don't have to look closely to notice those eye lashes!

I still wonder till today, from whom had she got it from.

I don't have it, hubby doesn't too..

Now she's a big girl, but not so big just yet, but she definitely has a huge appetite!!

mmmmmm....

Ice cream.... mmmmmmmm... 

Cake Ice cream la pulak... mmmmmm...

 Even though she wasn't born in Germany, but I was pregnant with her on my first few months there..

And she was only 3 months when we got back to Germany..

All the memories she had in her head was Germany...

She grew up there.. Germany was the only place she had ever known...

It's no wonder why until today she still talks about our home in Germany.

Nevertheless, she enjoys life in Malaysia so much!!

Happy Birthday Dearest Aleena...

You may not remember Germany anymore someday...

All those memories you had there will vanish from your head, or maybe you will remember some vaguely....

But, when you read this someday, know that we have had the most wonderful times together there in Germany, and insyaAllah here in Malaysia too...

To my Aleena, my doa is always with you, may Allah SWT guide you through the right path always always...

You complete us... (",)

~~~ One Sweet Day ~~~

~~~~~~~~Kenangan kami~~~~~~~

Till later, Salam..

Something To Share (",)

Salam....

When Afeef was little, he was often so enthusiastic to help me with house chorus, like sweeping the floor, cooking, cleaning the toilet, washing the dishes, preparing his own milk, etc etc and I remember all these distinctly....

But problem was, I had never really let him, because instead of actually helping me, he often ended up leaving a huge mess for me to clean up :D

So, I chosed to just do everything myself because I didn't want the mess...

What a huge mistake!!

When I met my mom last time, mom reminded me again about this. Mom said, 

"Don't do EVERYTHING for the kids.."

"Let them do things themselves!"

Oh so true.... 

There's always something I get every time I meet mom... and thank God I still have a mom who'd constantly reminded me of the right thing to do..

So, my new mission now, to make sure the kids are able to do many things themselves...

Have you ever heard of a saying that goes like this~~

~~It is not what you do for your children but what you have taught them to do for themselves, that will make them successful human beings~~~~

How come I've never realized this before???

I keep doing things for them from A-Z when they are actually capable of doing things themselves, like clean the room, make the bed, wash the dishes, etc etc...

But..... it's never too late! 

So, by far, they started washing dishes themselves... I never had to remind them about this again (",)

Fatini always enjoys this task, errrrrr... actually she enjoys all house chorus hehehe...

They helped me in the kitchen, cooking, baking, usually I don't have to ask for help when it comes to baking and cooking, memang berebut nak tolong hehe.. 

Then ada la kejadian yang tak diingini, berebut itu, berebut ini, tepung tumpah, macam2 lagi... mama sabar je.. huhu..

Sometimes, I even wished that nobody noticed that I was baking haha!

Because Fatini and Aleena are sooooo into baking, so Afeef had to give in most of the time letting them do the jobs (",)

mmmmmmmmm..... (",)

Pancake, everyone's favorite!

Some tips: To have a fluffy pancake, use Self Raising Flour. 

Eh tertukar topik hehehe..

Today, little Aleena helped me with 'ikan bilis'....

I didn't ask for her help, she offered to help (",)

If I were still the same old me, I wouldn't have let her you know.. I would tell her to go play her toys!

But with this new mission and motivation, I felt so happy to let her help me with the 'ikan bilis' even though I was a lil bit worried about her mischiefs hehe...

So I let her.....

Though, after a few minutes......

mmmmmmmmm.......

It's ok lah hehehe... if we wait for everything to be perfect, by then, they won't be so excited to help with house chorus anymore...

They are just kids after all, kids are creative..... 

You'll see their creativity in everything they do... so, don't scold them,  just let their creativity grows... encourage them whenever necessary (",)

Yesterday, while I was in the bathroom, they cleaned the whole house without being told to do so... 

Wow, I was impressed!

Errrrr..... 

Rupa2 nya letak semua dalam kemah ni hehehe...

Patutlah pantas haha!

But, it's ok, those effort that matters to me, I still hugged and praised them for what they did hehe..

And, so far they made their bed themselves every morning without fail..

So happy to see this (",)

They remind each other, there was one morning I heard them waking up, they ususally chit chat a little before they got out of the room, and then I heard Fatini said,

"Afeef, kemas katil dulu..." hehehe..

True, kids are special in their own way....

So, to all mommies out there, especially housewives, your children tend to depend so much on you, because you are with them at home 24 7, and you tend to do everything for them too, thinking that you should because that's your job... but actually, it's not....

It's your job to teach them to be able to do everything themselves, to educate them, talk to them, tell them stories, remind them of the right things to do in life, correct them when they're wrong, listen to them when they have something to tell, (even if they talk about Power Rangers ke, Powerpuff girls ke, Luigi's Mansion ke hehe), care for them, love them, hug and kiss them everyday... when they start hiding things from you, that's when you have to bring yourself closer to them...

And you know what, it's quite fun talking to your kids, listen to their stories bout kindergarten, bout school, bout their favorite stories, while folding the clothes, while drinking together.. (",)

It's a moment we should cherish as a mom...

Don't miss every moment of it (",)

Most importantly, praise them, hug and kiss them for everything good they'd done, that way they feel appreciated and they will want to do more (",)

Lastly....

Yesterday, when I fetched Fatini from Kindergarten, she'd excitedly showed me the card she'd made for me (",)

She drew me (see this pic above) in red clothes, I was touched for she's aware of my favorite color...(",)

And later she apologized because she didn't know how to draw me in hijab hehehe...

And she asked,

"Berdosa ke gambar mama tak pakai tudung?"

hehehe... so innocent....

This kind of card perhaps means nothing much to us, but it means a lot to them.. 

Well.....

Every single thing means a lot to them...

Sometimes we were so uncertain about what the kids want, what they need, how they want to be loved? 

We were once a kid too.... what did we want?

Till later, Salam...

(",)

Night Surprise (",)

Salam....

So very not in the mood to update this blog hehehe...

It's perfectly understandable right??? I mean, I don't get to see my mom and my sister and my nieces very often!

But today, I have to update this blog no matter what, eventhough I'm so sleepy rite now, so let this one be a really really short one (",)

Today, 28th of March 2013 is...........

Aleena's 3rd BIRTHDAY!!!!!

We didn't plan for any celebration coz we wanna wait for my hubby to return, insyaAllah tomorrow hubby's flight is due. But, earlier tonight, my sister's hubby made a huge surprise for all of us.... 

A really really huge surprise!!

None of us expected it and there it was, a chocolate cake in the Kitchen!!!

Ya Allah, I was so surprised and speechless all at the same time.. Sungguh tak sangka!! Dah malam nak tido dah, ade surprise pulak hehe...

Thanx a million to them, tak terluah rasanye for everything, their kindness, hospitality etc etc..

I'm really really blessed with wonderful people around (",)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAREST ALEENA, Semoga membesar menjadi anak solehah dan beroleh kebahagiaan di dunia dan akhirat.... Amin...

Till later, Salam... (",)

(",)

My daily assistant at the Store... 

Hehehe.. (",)

Aleena's New Habit...(",)

(",)

There's Always Something To Learn.... (",)

Just wanna share something here, there was a thick snow yesterday, so after we fetched Fatini from Kindergaten, we didn't go straight home, we spent almost half an hour playing with the snow instead.

Fatini was the first to finish, so she requested to get inside.

Aleena refused and asked for a lil more time, and at this 'extra time' she'd requested, I just stood there watching her, freezing, shivering.... brrrrrrrrr...

Eventually, I forced her to get inside, so she threw a tantrum for not wanting to get inside.. 

What!!!

It was almost an hour, and I made a few snow balls and a tiny snow man and already I was freezing and she was all;

"Tak sejuk pun..."

"Tak lama pun main, baru kejap je.."

huhuhu...

Haaaaa nampak, sempat buat macam2 gaya, pastu cakap tak sejuk?!

Ok, ok, so today, on the way home from kindergarten, I tried my best to divert her attention from the snow in front of our house, but to no avail...

And, I didn't let her play with the snow, as I had runny nose but the real reason was, I knew it won't be  a short while!! I knew she wouldn't want to stop!
 mmmmm kijam ke?

So ape lagi, ngamuk laaaaa... mmmmm...

kesian la pulak..

And today evening about 2pm, Fatini was standing by the window and suddenly she said out loud, 

"Mama tangok!! Comel la budak tu main tarik2 camtu!!"

I looked out the window and saw a mom and her child playing on the thick snow...

mmmmmm cute (dalam hati la..)

But nothing hit me just yet....

Until about 4.45pm, when it was bout getting dark outside, I went to the window again to pull down the blinds, and.....

Oh my God, they were still there!!!

Both of them, and they both look so..... happy!!

Then it hit me, oh.... I'm a terrible mother...

She could spend hours with her child, but me???

1 jam pun dah bising huhu...

I adore German moms, they're so committed! 

And I've learned a lot from them!

So with new determination, I promised myself that tomorrow I'll put water proof clothes on Aleena, and let her play for as long as she wants on the snow.. 

I'll prepare lunch early in the morning so Afeef and Fatini will have something to eat for lunch when they got home, and I'll bring a book with me so I can read while waiting for her to finish playing with the snow..

Yes, I'll do that!

Errrrr... Tetibe bukak tingkap tengok snow dah cair hehehe...

(",)

My little mission... not impossible (",)

I am now trying my best to pursue my mission, that is, to make my children love books, love to read books, to have passion for books..

My late father was someone who had so much passion for books, he had this huge collection of books, and we even had a library at home with racks full of books!!

I've been exposed to all kinds of reading materials since I was a little girl, such as Readers Digest, Time Magazines, Novels, etc etc and a Book Fair was something we would all looked forward to and were always always sooooo excited to go, and the best part was, 'abah' would always gave us the huge amount of money to buy as many books we like regardless of the amount, the price.. 

Oh, I've realized now how abah tried his best for me to love books, because unlike my other elder siblings, I used to be someone who disliked reading, maybe I even hated it!

The turning point was when I started reading English books, and it was all my father's effort, he had taught me to read in English (",)

When I started reading English books, I fell in Love immediately, because unlike Malay story books, English story books are far far more interesting..

So, in the process of teaching my children how to read in English, I observed these cute and funny differences between Afeef and Fatini, why they differ so much, I have absolutely no Idea!!

For instance, Fatini is now able to read these sentences on her own, and Afeef had long ago finished with this part, but when Afeef read this, he just read it and never questioned anything. 

I would then asked him what's the meaning of everything that he had just read..

So he would start thinking what had he read? 

And he would read again, this time to understand it so he could explain it to me..

If I didn't ask, he wouldn't bother to know what the story was all about!

He would read just for the sake of reading?? hehehe..

No wonder he found reading BORING!! haha

Ok, so it's a totally different story with Fatini, when she was reading these exact same sentences, when she came to the part,

"Sam sat on a cat...."

She started giggling all of a sudden, and I asked why??

She said, it's funny that Sam sat on a cat!! How could a person sit on a cat!!

Seeee???

She understands what she reads, isn't that great????!!!

Same goes here, with Afeef, he'd just read it like usual and never question a thing, but when it comes to Fatini, she immediately asked, why sit and then sat?...

Haha so smart (",)

She always explains to me what's the meaning of everything she'd read without being asked, and if she doesn't understand anything at all, she would always always asks!!!

And she is now able to read this!! 

It's amazing how fast she progresses (",)

Oh my, I guess children really are different, like I said before, at 4 years old, Afeef was always so satisfied with my 'Orang lidi version of Ultraman', but for Fatini, No way!! hehe..

I had to draw something, anything exactly the way she wanted it mmmmm..

Nevertheless, I believed that, no matter how different they are, they each have their own special talent and I'm going to discover it!!

Just a lil something to share here...

Aleena always has a teddy with her whenever she goes out, even just to fetch Fatini from kindergarten and it's a must for her to bring her teddy along haiiiihhh..

And Fatini, refused to cut her hair, see how long it is now??

Macam2 perangai.... hehehe..

Till Later (",)

Today's story..

Oh too bad...
Today she's sick, she vomited 5 times through the night, crying and kept asking me why is she sick? 

Oh my sweetie, don't know how to make her understand that being sick is neccessary so we'll appreciate being healthy. That way she'll take her apple everyday too hehe..

I was up all night so that I could tend to all her needs, mmmmm, wait, not really all night, I exaggerated a bit, I was actually able to sleep at 5.00am, and got up at 7.00am, the vomiting had stopped, but she complained of a stomach ache...

Mmmmm.. I was so sure she's infected by Rotavirus.... Again...

These viruses seemed to have loved us so much...
My children picked it up many times before, you can read HERE.

But, she didn't have a diarhea like I've expected she would today..
Nevertheless, I took extra precautions anyway, everybody has to wash their hands thoroughly, I myself have had a countless hand-washing, my hands are all dry out from the excess soap hehe..

Oh pity her, she's been sleeping all morning too..

Heheh ape la gaya tido camtu..
I hope there's nothing serious, I hope she'll be ok soon...

Yesterday she made this drawing, and the moment I looked at it, I knew what it was!

Haaaaaaa... a slight resemblance rite??

I mean, she's 4 years old, and she drew something which I knew immediately what it was, that means there's a slight resemblance, and I'm utterly impressed!!

This is definitely her aunty's genes!

All of them love painting so much, they would all make these row of paintings, and then asked me to chose which one is Number 1, number 2, number 3, and of course being a fair mommy, I'd say all were beautiful heheh..

Not bad huh??

Other than paintings, they love all kinds of arts too.. 

Afeef made this decoration on the glass himself (",)

And....

Other than art lovers, there's also a computer nerd in the house..

She eats, drinks, and sleeps in front of the Computer hehehe!!!

Oh my, what will my Mom say if she sees this ????!!!!

Always in my Heart...

A picture worth a few words...

1~~ Hang out with friends.

2~~ Everyone is totally engrossed in a conversation that no one seemed to notice the camera.

3~~ Aleena is damn bored... heheheh.. and a bit left out at a corner there :)

More words?? 

Yeah, the food was great!! 

Friends come and go, but only true friends will leave footprints in our hearts..

And so will those people we love, those people who are very very special, they'll leave permanent footprints...
I play this song again, this time with an intro and also a better tempo and I dedicate this to all special people in my life,
You know who you are... (",)

When I play this song, I have this warm feeling inside ***sigh****

Enjoy!!

A Pet @ Home...

This is Aleena's pet hehe..

She's just showing her pet how beautiful the view is outside (",)

They've all been asking me for a pet at home, they want a cat..

I kept telling them,

"Later in Malaysia we can have a cat..."

I guess I'm gonna have to open my heart again for a cat in my life... 

To have them, is to love them..

It's been so long since I last really really loved a cat, more than 10 years I guess... 

I mean, now I still like cats, I do play with them, I still feed stray cats, but to get seriously involve, meaning to love them, is something I've stopped doing since.... long time ago....

Why???

This is my long story, for those who understand how it's like to really really love a pet, please read.. :)

Being a pet lover, I couldn't recall a day in my childhood years without a single pet around. 

 I've gone through the fun of having them around and also the pain and sadness when they were gone..

Some died, some just gone missing, but most of them were replaceable...

But, there was this time when I got myself involved in taking care of a little kittens left abandoned without a mother, there were three of them if I'm not mistaken, one of them had somehow grown up to be so close and special to me.. she had a very special place in my heart, I've named her Puteri Balqish!! hahah

She had been the one I hugged when I was sad, the one I took with me when I went to bed, the one who greeted me when I got home from anywhere!!!

I loved her soooo much, that when I recall now, it was the same feeling, the same kind of love I have for my children..

But then, one tragic day in 2001, it was morning, I was sooo busy dealing with a Calculus assignment, that I did not pay any attention to Balqish.. maybe I even forgot to feed her... 

So, when my assignment was finally done, I went to get ready for class, and when I got downstairs again, I saw Balqish on the table, she was all over my assignments maybe searching for something to eat, and I got soooo angry that I yelled at her to get down from the table at once. 

I remember the look of shock on her face... because.... I've never raised my voice at her.. 

But I did that day, because she was on my assignment....

Then I left home for a lecture I must attend..

I didn't even say goodbye to her..

When I reached home that evening, I saw her lying on the floor like she was taking a nap or something.. (oh my, while I'm writing this, I see it all again in my head, still so vivid...)

She didn't greet me like she usually does, so I thought she was asleep, and I ran to her excitedly...

But.....

 Ahhhhhhhh! 

She wasn't napping, her eyes were wide open, she was breathing fast and there were bubbles forming at the corner of her mouth!! 

She did't respond to anything I was saying, nor looked at me.. 

She was just staring into space.....

I started to panick, and went a lil bit hysterical, I couldn't believe what I saw, because somehow, I knew, I knew in my heart, i knew she was going to leave me...

Refused to accept that idea, I took her to the vet..

I was crying all the way, sobbing and shaking and I held her on my lap.. 

At one point, she went convulsive and I knew, I knew for sure she's not gonna make it.. 

She was dying...

I couldn't accept it, couldn't believe it, I hadn't even told her I was sorry....

I knew she's gone even before we've reached the vet, but I took her inside anyway hoping for a miracle...

But, she was gone, I still couldn't believe it, I remember staring at her still and lifeless body, overwhelmed with sadness, I cried and cried until there's no more tears left..

There's nothing the vet could do.. 

They only said that by looking at her symptoms, she had probably eaten a rat poison..

Yeah, I've had later found out that my father had inadvertantly left it outside that morning and forgot about it.. 

She must have then eaten it...

 Feeling all empty and lost, I took her lifeless body home, spent the entire evening staring at her body.. Wishing that this was all just a bad dream, that I would soon wake up and my Balqish was still alive!

But, it wasn't a dream...

 It was real... 

And it was hard to handle.. 

Hard to believe, hard to accept..

I couldn't focus on anything for a week or so, had a fever the whole week, a terrible headache and a constant dream bout balqish coming home, that she was still alive, still there for me to hold and hug..

I've missed her soooooo much..

But that was all so long ago, though it was just between me and a cat, losing her was like a huge blow in my life, that incident really taught me a lesson and was enough to make me a different person...

For instance, I have no more desire to have a pet, let alone create a bond with them, (that's in a negative way..)

And in a positive ways, whenever I started to get angry at my children for anything at all, my mind would always gone back to that morning when I was mad at Balqish, and then she' gone..

I'm so scared if something like that happens again, 

and because of that one incident, I've learned to make doa everyday, that if I were to lose someone I love, let me be ready for it, and strong to handle it...

We will lose someone we love someday, either we leave them or they leave us..

Either way, somebody will grieve...

So, if I were to let my kids have a pet at home, this will be as much important to me as it is to them, because I know, my kids will love it as much as I used to.

And I wanna share that love (",)

And I wanna be there for them, to comfort them and to understand how they feel when they've lost the pet they loved, and cry with them.. 

So that they know, that they are not alone, and that it's not wrong to Love, Lose and Love again...

Snow Lagi!!!! Hooorrraaayyyy!!

It has been snowing...

It was Friday, and it was almost time to pick little Fatini up from kindergarten, and I looked out the window, and........

It's all white!!!

"Cepat-cepat, jom Aleena kita turun bawah!!!"

mmmmmmmmhhhhh.... melompat la si kecik Ratu snow nih! hehehe

She's soooooo excited!!! 

mama pun sama excited, jakun tetibe macam tak pernah jumpa snow hahaha!

Bukan ape, like I said before, perhaps this will be our last Winter here :(

Lepas tu tak sempat2 la nak main snow, keluar2 kindergarten je terus nak main... haaaaaiiiihhhh...

Menggigil-gigil mama kat tepi tunggu budak berdua ni main snow huhu..

I like! I like!!

Antara view yg di snap on the way home :)

Dah sampai rumah, tak puas lagi tu, sambung lagi...

haaaiiiihhhh terer betul.. 

Memang la budak2 gile snow hehehe..

Iye Fatini, nice snow ball :)

Aleena ternganga tengok, camne kakak buat tu ye??

Dan kami pun tersengih2 gumbira hehehe..

Oh, my feveret!!!

Ok, enough of it, lets get inside! Brush yourself up!!

And today was sunny, view sgt2 cantik!!

Kaaaaaaannnnnnn.... ;)

I'll definitely miss all these someday....

I'll cherish it all while I still have the chance :)