My Journey..

It's been 3 weeks since my surgery, well surgery definitely was not a pleasant experience for anyone, including me, I supposed....
But, I'm glad for the chance, for through it I've learned valuable lessons, priceless...

A few months before the surgery, I suffered so much from stomach pain that come and go and worsened as time passed by..
I was aware of the fact that if I were to see the doctor, then the doctor would definitely suggested an endoscopy... AGAIN???
I wrote about my 1st endoscopy done in Germany in one of my entry before...

Anyway, my nightmare came true...
I went to see a Gastroentologist at Ampang Puteri Specialist Hospital.
She suggested that I should undergo not only an endoscopy but also a colonoscopy...

WHAT!!!

I spent a lot of time reading about these two procedures afterwards that I think I became an expert :p
Yes, learning about the risks of colonoscopy, I became even more scared and sometimes the fear was too overwhelming that I cancelled my 1st appointment huhu..
That was somewhere in September.

I turned to Allah for help... I needed Allah to guide me if I really needed all these "unnecessary procedures" that's how I used to feel about it..
I never thought if there's anything serious going on inside me....

"Seek help through patience and prayer... certainly, Allah is with those who are patient.." (Al-Baqarah: 153)

How Allah helped....

The stomach pain worsened in November, until I couldn't take it...
The pain made me forget the fear I had for both endoscopy and colonoscopy...
I fear no more...
I asked hubby to make another appointment with the doctor, this time I wanted it to be as soon as possible..

I couldn't deny that the fear resurfaced again the night before the procedure.
I was admitted at Ampang Puteri Hospital and I started feeling scared again...
But whenever I feel scared, I remind myself:
"Seek help through patience and prayer..."
I pray and pray and pray....
I became strong again...

In the morning, I was so calm, so calm that I couldn't believe it... couldn't believe that it was me...
I was definitely not this calm back in Germany when I was about to undergo an endoscopy...

I made my last prayer (solat duha), and was about to make another solat hajat when suddenly the doctor and nurses came into my room...
It's time....

They asked me to change into a hospital gown. They then wheeled my bed with me on it to a special room with all the equipments... yeah, my heart was beating a bit fast, but I was not scared... just a little bit nervous...
I remember my last thought:
"Allah guided me here... He won't let anything bad to happen to me... I trust Allah..."
Then I was asleep...
I woke up briefly during a colonoscopy, felt so much pain that I shouted "sakit!!"  They made me sleep again.
It was just like in a dream...
Then everything was done...
I woke up briefly in an elevator, then in my room, and finally I woke up for real just before friday's prayer began. Yes it was friday, 11th of November. I remember texting my hubby letting him know that everything was done and he wrote that he would come to the hospital with my mom after friday's prayer.
Then one nurse came into my room, and she said, she would take me to a CT scan room after friday's prayer... still feeling dizzy from the anasthetic, I nodded but wondering "why on earth would I have to go through a CT scan??"
The doctor never mentioned anything about CT scan before..
Whatever....
I fell asleep again...
At about 3pm, the nurse came in again, took me to a CT scan room, this time with a wheel chair.
I was asked to sign a form maybe because of the red liquid they made me drink... errggghhh... 3 huge glasses of red liquid.. could be barium??
Inside the room, they scanned my body again and again... after about 20 minutes, one of the guys who's incharge of doing the scanning, came to me and said,
"We need to inject some liquid into your anus, so we can see your large bowel clearly..."
I asked: "Why do you need to do that???"
He said it's because the doctor asked him to, because of the Tumor....

WHAT...???

Did I hear him correctly???

I remember feeling like the entire world collapsed on me....
I was terrified all of a sudden..

He noticed the sudden change in me I guess that he quickly asked me to calm down, that the tumor might not be anything serious... the doctor would explain to me later...

Okaaayy....
Then, came in a woman nurse to inject whatever liquid into my anus....
Then another few rounds of scanning, with tears in my eyes....

On a wheel chair, I was brought upstairs again to my room....

"Seek help through patience and prayer... Allah is always with the patient.."

When I reached my room, mom was already there, reciting the Quran....
Mom was alone...
Hubby and the kids went downstairs for something to eat...
How relief I was to see her...
I instantly felt the urge to burst into tears infront of mom and hugged her and let her know how scared and terrified I was, that I had a tumor inside of me that could be a cancer!!
But instead, I smiled at mom and the courage and strength I felt at that moment, only Allah could give me...

I told my mom calmly about the tumor, and mom looked so shocked, but I told her not to panick, lets make doa, the doctor will come later to explain...
and I told her, I hadn't performed solat, so, I prayed.
While I pray, mom continued reciting the Quran and I could hear her crying.
I couldn't help noticing from the corner of my eyes, mom was wiping her tears using her head cover...
Tears welled up in my eyes again...
Oh mak....

"Seek help through patience and prayer....
Certainly Allah is with those who are patient...." (Al-Baqarah: 153)

:') :') :')

To be continued .....