Assalamualaikum wbt...

How do you define Happiness?

You can have so many people around you but yet your heart is empty...

Or you can have not a single person around and yet your heart is full...

But as for me, this is the real key to happiness:

Those who have believed and whose hearts are assured by the remembrance of Allah . Unquestionably, by the remembrance of Allah hearts are assured." Ar-Rad: 28

And this song too... My all time favorite :)

it 

Nowadays, this song means so much to me... You know, for someone like me who'd just discovered the real meaning of happiness... (",)

I've been contemplating on whether I should quit playing piano or not? 

It doesn't feel right anymore to play musical instruments, but it doesn't feel right to quit

either...

Everytime I feel so sure to quit, there's always a comment on You Tube that made me change my mind again..

How can I quit when some people  benefit a lot from my videos....

Ok, lets get to today's story~~~~ I have successfully undergone a medical procedure which I feared since I was a child.. Ahah! 

Endoscopy that is...

So scared that I could barely concentrate on anything for these past few days..

But friends keep telling me, 

"Don't worry so much, Allah is near!"

Yesss it's true, Allah is near, no one can help reduce my fear, prevent me from any possible complications, not even these expert German doctors! Even though Germany is well advanced in medical facilities, I'm not convinced... 

So, I had an appointment at 7.30am this morning, barely had a good sleep last night too, and I went alone, I kept praying to Allah to make everything smooth...

On the verge of tears I entered the operation room when they called my name..

This procedure is probably nothing to some people, but for me who have had so much fear for this since I was small, it was NO NOTHING... It was scary... I wouldn't have gone through it if it wasn't for Allah who had given me the strength..

Really, I could feel the strength in me that I couldn't describe... A strength that was never there when I was supposed to undergo an Endoscopy about a year ago..... Yeah yeah, they made an appointment for me before but I'd never turned up hehe.. 

So, the best part was, today they asked me whether I want to sleep or wide awake while they perform the procedure.

Of course, I chosed to sleep... 

Despite that, I still had this tiny fear for something like this: 

      "What if I wake up in the middle of the procedure?"

      "What if I sleep, but could feel everything? And won't be able to do anything! 

        Oh Nooooo!"

        Again, "Allah is near..."

So, one of the nurse sprayed something at the back of my throat.. Wild thoughts spinning in my head... 

I felt like running out the door.... I've never had any serious stomach pain, do I really need this??

I'm putting myself at risks of complications for having an Endoscopy!

Again, "Allah is near..... "

Who's your best protector other than Allah right??"

I shouldn't fear and I should have faith in Allah..

Besides, this is my chance to discover if there's anything wrong inside, and certainly in a country far more advanced than Malaysia. I might have to go through Endoscopy eventually, either here or Malaysia?

So, when the doctor asked me to lie down, my heart was pounding so bad, I looked at the watch: 8.20am

And I told the Doctor to make sure that I'll sleep through out, and my voice quivered when I told him I don't want to remember any of these... 

He said "Sure, don't worry.." and I saw him preparing the needle and all, and I remember thinking, 

"Oh, when was the last time I had an injection, this will definitely hurt a bit, and I looked away, and........

 That's it... 

I woke up suddenly, briefly in a different room, with blurred vision, and feeling confused...

"Where am I? Why am I here?"

And I saw one elderly lady lie down next to my bed. I fell asleep again and woke up again to a voice waking me up. 

Feeling confused again, I looked at my watch, 9.30am!

Then it hit me! Oh, I was supposed to have an Endoscopy! Was it done?

The elderly had gone, only the nurse was there, and she was the one waking me up.. 

I asked her if they had done Endoscopy on me? And she said yes with a smile that tells me:

 "I understand.... It's normal to feel confuse..." Hehe...

She asked me if I was ok, she asked me to stand up and walk, I swayed a bit, my head spinning, and I felt dizzy... and then she helped me out the door..

      

But the funny thing was, how come I had no memory at all of being injected? I thought I was supposed to feel sleepy only after the injection, but I had no memory at all of being injected nor feeling sleepy! It's like a blink of an eye, and I was out even before being injected! What kind of a drug was that??!!! 

Phewwwwwww...... 

Nevertheless, I'm glad that it's all over now... Guess who helped pick me up at the clinic?

While hubby had to stay at home with the kids as kids presence are strictly prohibited during the procedure, Lily offered to help, she came and picked me up, not just that, she looked really concerned too.. That made me so close to tears again... :')

Lily and Victor are the ones who have been encouraging me to go through this.. And she helped me today with so much care and concern that I just had to hug her tightly before she left me at home....

We don't need so much, just a few are enough to make us feel complete..

Alhamdulillah...

So, fear not, for Allah is near... (",)

Till later, Assalamualaikum...