My Journey..

It's been 3 weeks since my surgery, well surgery definitely was not a pleasant experience for anyone, including me, I supposed....
But, I'm glad for the chance, for through it I've learned valuable lessons, priceless...

A few months before the surgery, I suffered so much from stomach pain that come and go and worsened as time passed by..
I was aware of the fact that if I were to see the doctor, then the doctor would definitely suggested an endoscopy... AGAIN???
I wrote about my 1st endoscopy done in Germany in one of my entry before...

Anyway, my nightmare came true...
I went to see a Gastroentologist at Ampang Puteri Specialist Hospital.
She suggested that I should undergo not only an endoscopy but also a colonoscopy...

WHAT!!!

I spent a lot of time reading about these two procedures afterwards that I think I became an expert :p
Yes, learning about the risks of colonoscopy, I became even more scared and sometimes the fear was too overwhelming that I cancelled my 1st appointment huhu..
That was somewhere in September.

I turned to Allah for help... I needed Allah to guide me if I really needed all these "unnecessary procedures" that's how I used to feel about it..
I never thought if there's anything serious going on inside me....

"Seek help through patience and prayer... certainly, Allah is with those who are patient.." (Al-Baqarah: 153)

How Allah helped....

The stomach pain worsened in November, until I couldn't take it...
The pain made me forget the fear I had for both endoscopy and colonoscopy...
I fear no more...
I asked hubby to make another appointment with the doctor, this time I wanted it to be as soon as possible..

I couldn't deny that the fear resurfaced again the night before the procedure.
I was admitted at Ampang Puteri Hospital and I started feeling scared again...
But whenever I feel scared, I remind myself:
"Seek help through patience and prayer..."
I pray and pray and pray....
I became strong again...

In the morning, I was so calm, so calm that I couldn't believe it... couldn't believe that it was me...
I was definitely not this calm back in Germany when I was about to undergo an endoscopy...

I made my last prayer (solat duha), and was about to make another solat hajat when suddenly the doctor and nurses came into my room...
It's time....

They asked me to change into a hospital gown. They then wheeled my bed with me on it to a special room with all the equipments... yeah, my heart was beating a bit fast, but I was not scared... just a little bit nervous...
I remember my last thought:
"Allah guided me here... He won't let anything bad to happen to me... I trust Allah..."
Then I was asleep...
I woke up briefly during a colonoscopy, felt so much pain that I shouted "sakit!!"  They made me sleep again.
It was just like in a dream...
Then everything was done...
I woke up briefly in an elevator, then in my room, and finally I woke up for real just before friday's prayer began. Yes it was friday, 11th of November. I remember texting my hubby letting him know that everything was done and he wrote that he would come to the hospital with my mom after friday's prayer.
Then one nurse came into my room, and she said, she would take me to a CT scan room after friday's prayer... still feeling dizzy from the anasthetic, I nodded but wondering "why on earth would I have to go through a CT scan??"
The doctor never mentioned anything about CT scan before..
Whatever....
I fell asleep again...
At about 3pm, the nurse came in again, took me to a CT scan room, this time with a wheel chair.
I was asked to sign a form maybe because of the red liquid they made me drink... errggghhh... 3 huge glasses of red liquid.. could be barium??
Inside the room, they scanned my body again and again... after about 20 minutes, one of the guys who's incharge of doing the scanning, came to me and said,
"We need to inject some liquid into your anus, so we can see your large bowel clearly..."
I asked: "Why do you need to do that???"
He said it's because the doctor asked him to, because of the Tumor....

WHAT...???

Did I hear him correctly???

I remember feeling like the entire world collapsed on me....
I was terrified all of a sudden..

He noticed the sudden change in me I guess that he quickly asked me to calm down, that the tumor might not be anything serious... the doctor would explain to me later...

Okaaayy....
Then, came in a woman nurse to inject whatever liquid into my anus....
Then another few rounds of scanning, with tears in my eyes....

On a wheel chair, I was brought upstairs again to my room....

"Seek help through patience and prayer... Allah is always with the patient.."

When I reached my room, mom was already there, reciting the Quran....
Mom was alone...
Hubby and the kids went downstairs for something to eat...
How relief I was to see her...
I instantly felt the urge to burst into tears infront of mom and hugged her and let her know how scared and terrified I was, that I had a tumor inside of me that could be a cancer!!
But instead, I smiled at mom and the courage and strength I felt at that moment, only Allah could give me...

I told my mom calmly about the tumor, and mom looked so shocked, but I told her not to panick, lets make doa, the doctor will come later to explain...
and I told her, I hadn't performed solat, so, I prayed.
While I pray, mom continued reciting the Quran and I could hear her crying.
I couldn't help noticing from the corner of my eyes, mom was wiping her tears using her head cover...
Tears welled up in my eyes again...
Oh mak....

"Seek help through patience and prayer....
Certainly Allah is with those who are patient...." (Al-Baqarah: 153)

:') :') :')

To be continued .....

Hi hi bye bye..

Assalamualaikum wbt...

Oh my...

It's been too long isn't it?

Nevertheless, I always miss writing here..

I don't know why and when I stopped writing? 

What brought me here then? 

A few weeks ago, I caught my 8 year old daughter, Fatini, quietly reading my blog! 

She seemed like she really enjoyed it. It made me think that I should, and I really should continue to write here for them, for the kids...

Besides, I really love writing on my blog!

Ok, so what have I skipped writing here?

A LOT!

But, I'm not going to write all those rotten stories, i'm going to start all over...

Oh my, you know what? 

Those images keep appearing in my head since I started writing just now. 

Those images, those stores I used to go to, those flowers, bare trees, dried leaves scattered all over the road, the sidewalk, those things I used to buy, those moments, it keeps lingering in my mind, even now, yes right now!

This blog really is a diary, not so much of a personal diary, but it is a diary...

Writing here is like going down the memory lane... I haven't even started reading it yet, already a lot of memories came flooding in haha!

It hurts, really...

I mean, it made me smile, but it hurts at the same time..

You know, it's like falling in love with someone who you can't have. hihi 💔💔💔

I'm babbling right?

Ok, so, enough for today, it's time to sleep.. 

hey it's 1.24am!

💤💤💤💤💤

I'll write again later, inn shaa Allah....

bye and Salam...

Assalamualaikum wbt...

It's been a while....

Nevertheless, it's been almost a year now since the day we left Deutschland for good...

***sigh***** sedar tak sedar kan....

Yess, I still miss DE, but of course time has healed my wounded heart, and I've moved on with renewed hopes and determinations...

 Life in DE was just a memory now, precious memories to be kept and sealed safely in my heart. 

In this one year, a lot have happened, a lot I've learned, I've met new and interesting people, made lots of new friends and I enjoy my life here and I've made lots of changes too......

I don't know how to describe how I feel, but all I can say is that:

 We can always change our life for the bertter, no matter how difficult it might seemed at first. And Allah is always there to help.... 

Anyway, 6th November 2014 was Afeef's 10th Birthday!!!

Alhamdulillah, 10 years on earth... 

This year's celebration, he invited over a few of his close friends. And I prepared a simple dish for them, it was perhaps the simplest birthday celebration we've ever had in his 10 years of life, but it was one of the most meaningful one :) 

Happy to serve the kids!! 

It's wonderful how everywhere he goes, Afeef is always surrounded with people who love him so much... That made him in turn a Loving person :)

This year's Birthday, I told him not to expect or hope or ask for a Birthday gift from anyone, not his family, friends or any other. 

Instead, I asked him to express his gratitude to Allah SWT for Allah has allowed him to still breath on this earth, granted him with lots of good and wonderful things one could have in his life. 

No matter how many steps he has left in his journey of life, my doa is always always with him... 

May he succeed fid dunya wal akhirah.... Amin....

~~~ We write our own destiny, but don't forget that it is Him who have the power to move our pen. 

Therefore, write our life in the name of Allah SWT.... 

THe CaTs... (",)

Assalamualaikum wbt....

Okay, Introducing.......

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Mango and Snow White!!!!!!! 

Named by Aleena (",) hehehe...

There were 4 of them in the beginning, they were Mummy's babies. 

Who's Mummy then???

Oh unfortunately I don't have Mummy's pic :(

But Mummy was the first cat I met at our house here. So she's the one who gave birth to Mango, Snow White, and two other which have gone missing (Mysteriously). 

So, there were only the two of them now... 

And now there's this sad story of Mummy. 

After a few weeks that she gave birth to her 4 babies at our next door neighbor's place, she then transferred her babies to our place. And Hubby prepared this nice box for them, and it was comfortable enough, but, Spray and Manja kept coming over and busy bodying until Mummy couldn't take it anymore and she took all her babies to Sumayyah's place!!

Now who's Sumayyah??? 

Hehehe... (",)

Sumayyah is another neighbour's daughter, the one who invited us over for Breakfast together after our little open house (",)

So, at that time these kittens were only babies, and that was during Ramadhan, and then we had to leave this place for Eid celebration at our kampung and when we returned, Mummy wasn't around anymore, she's gone!!

Leaving her babies behind!!

And Sumayyah's mom was the one taking care of these little kittens...

And she did a great job!!

Feeding the kittens with milk, bathing them once in a while, so sweet isn't it??

I've never met any married person with children as committed as Sumayyah's mom in taking care of little kittens.

And she is a very very nice person too (",)

And then recently, there's also Kitty....

Kitty who???

Hello Kitty... hehehe (",)

Aisyah Humaira named her Hello Kitty....

Now who's Aisyah Humaira???

Hehehe... Okay okay, Aisyah Humaira is the next door neighbour's daughter who is also Fatini's best friend!!

I think I wrote about her before...

And at her home was where Mummy delivered her babies :')

Noticed how Kitty eats?

Her whole body would always be in the bowl!! Haha :D

Owwwwwhhhhh.... and see how gentleman Spray is??

He patiently sat quietly aside waiting for Kitty to finish eating before he came and finish the rest of the food. 

Sweet isn't it??

He's the sweetest male cat on earth!!!

Anyway, Kitty had gone missing too... just a few days ago... 

***Sigh****

One after another, they just gone, mysteriously disappeared....

But, the huge loss by far was.....

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MANJA...

Sob sob sob... :'(

Manja had gone missing just about the same time as Mummy. She was no longer around when we returned after Eid. 

We all wonder what happened to her? Where is she now??

And we miss her terribly.... :'(

PS: Another reason why I love this neighborhood so much is that we are all in this together.. 

Taking care of these cats, discussing about them, sharing cat food (",) etc etc etc...

Alhamdulillah....

"So, which favors of your Lord would you deny???"

Till Later, Salam...

Our Little Open House 2014 (",)

Assalamualaikum wbt....

Mmmmm.... Before it gets really rotten, I better just include this in one of my entries... 

I kinda enjoy reading some of my previous previous entries now, it brought back memories that I've totally forgotten about!!!! 

So, I hope I will always have the time to write every memorable events in my life so that someday when I'm old (insyaAllah) or the kids when they've grown up (insyaAllah) would be able to read all these again.. 

Wouldn't it be great?? Or am I the only one thinking that it's great? 

Yeah yeah... Lets get to the story before I start rambling...

Ok, I think this was 2 weeks ago, 16/8/2014.... 

Just our little Open House (",)

Errrrrrrrr..... Not so little actually hehe... Hubby invited over the whole Faculty people and of course almost all the neighbors and some other close friends hehe.. 

I think, roughly about 50 people made it that day, or maybe 60? 

Hahaaaaaaaaaaaaa and guess what????

I cooked everything myself (",)

Haaaaaaaa guess more......????

Hubby was away for some work a few days before the open house, and Basically I did everything myself, from shopping to cooking and everything.... Waaaaa sounds a bit arrogant there hahaa...

But, it was nothing really, it was just a simple one... 

I prepared something like 'Nasik berempah' and 'Roti Jala' and 'Seafood Spagetti', and some 'Apam polkadot' which turned out to be not so 'polkadot' :P

Ok, the beautiful round cake wasn't made by me.. I bought that one hehe.. 

Hei, don't blame me, that because I don't have an oven yet... :P

So, basically, I've prepared everything except that cake :)

And another thing, we've planned this together with our next next next door neighbour who happens to be from the same faculty as hubby's. 

So, it was basically more to an 'Open Taman' rather than an 'Open House'...

Overall, I've enjoyed it very very very much eventhough afterwards **pengsan*** hehe

Haaaaaaaa... Check out my model there!

Isn't she sweet????

Afeef invited over two of his closest friends. At this hour only one had arrived. 

So they played game the whole day hehe..

I think this was about 1pm before most of the guests arrived after Zuhur.

And, another best thing that day.....

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Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa..... Tadaaaaaaa!!!

Meeting our ex-German friends (",)

They just got back to Malaysia about last June. And this was our first meet-up and it was great!

Oh I was never aware of how much I miss them until we met that Saturday!

Back in Germany, they were our family, our friends...

We've celebrated Eid together sob sob sob.... 

I'll never forget those memories... :')

And, I also got the best chocholate ever, from Germany...... 

My favourite choclate which I thought would remained only in my dream for me to ever taste it again, but....

Wow..... Alhamdulillah 'Rezeki'...

Thank you so much to them!!!

I was so close to tears!!!

Ehem (asyik nak nangis je hehe) 

Not so much for the chocholate actually, but for the thoughts.... :')

Oh..... I miss you Raffaello.....

Ok, that was all about our little 'Open House' which was not so little. Hehe..

It was fun, one of the most memorable and meaningful events after almost 9 months in Malaysia, and I look forward to another something like this again in the future. Already planning with the neighbours how the next one will be like :P 

InsyaAllah...

The next morning, we had breakfast together with our neighbour at their place.

I just love this neighbourhood..... 

I love it very much!!

Remember, I wrote before in one of my entries after I've reached Malaysia early this year?

I wrote:

"I know something awaits me here in Malaysia, something more meaningful than what I had in Germany..."

I guess, I'm getting there... InsyaAllah...

"Which Favors of your Lord would you deny??"

Till Later, Salam.... (",)